Can’t we all just get along?
No, I’m sorry Rodney King, sometimes that just can’t be done. And it’s too bad. On balance, the community of acoustic musicians is fairly tight-knit, close, and supportive. On balance. There are those times, however, when a little drama rears it’s ugly head and leaves people feeling bad. I had such an experience last Saturday night.
We just wanted to have fun!
In an effort not to ruffle feathers, I’m going to leave names and faces out of my comments today. But I thought it worth Pontificating over that a little bit of drama occurred last Saturday night that left me feeling a bit uncomfortable. Actually, I felt embarassed…and then bad…and then, to tell you the truth, I got a little bit upset.
Most of the pickers around Michigan know each other, or know of each other. Especially the acoustic crowd. We all like to support each other, and we all like to have fun. I and the guys in my band Rogue River Grass have some acquaintances in another “garage band”, if you will, that are a pretty good group of guys. They aren’t super-serious about trying to get to Nashville or become world stars, they just like to have fun. They are pretty much a party in a box, and you know you’ll have fun when they are around.
Come party!
We heard through the grapevine that these guys were appearing at a little small town tavern, and that they put out a call for any and all musicians to stop on in and jam with them. Combination jam session/birthday party for two of the band members. Sounds fun. So we did.
Three of my four band mates made it to the gig, but just two of us at first. We sat around shooting the bull and laughing with the other guys. My guitar player Foose and I grabbed our instruments and did a little picking while we sat there at the table, which was fun. The other band was still waiting on a band member, so they didn’t want to play on the mic’s yet. Foose, I, and the mandolin player from the other group decided to hop up to the mic’s and pick, which we did. And we had fun. We sat down after about three songs. No harm no foul.
My bass player walked in about this time, so we continued to socialize and have a good time at the tables. Still no show on their 4th member, so the three of us from my band were encouraged to take the mic’s and do our thing for a bit…kind of an opening act if you will. Which we did. We wailed. Foose and Eric are phenomenal musicians.
Oops…
We got through about 4 songs, at which time we huddled up to decide what to pick next. As we were chatting it over, I noticed the other banjo player grabbing his hat, coat, and banjo, heading for the exit. His band mates were trying to ask what’s up and what’s going on, but he waved them off and wouldn’t talk to any of them. We couldn’t hear the words from where we were standing, but the body language was pretty clear.
The immediate feeling that my band had was that we were either hogging the spotlight or being rude somehow. And we felt pretty bad. Eric and Foose are high class all the way, and none of the three of us would ever try to be rude or improper. My band is too professional and diplomatic for that. Yet there we were with a definite edgy negativity hanging over the scene all of a sudden.
You know what? Bull&*^%…
Excuse my “almost” swear word there. But first I felt ashamed. Then embarassed and a bit sheepish. I’ve never made someone so mad at me that they had to storm out of their own gig. Ever. Yikes. However, the longer I thought of it, the more I realized that the whole scene was B.S. Talk about a Prima Donna musician! My group Rogue River is a pretty solid group, and we do some things pretty well. I don’t know that we were or weren’t sounding our best during the few songs that we did, but we had a good time with it and judging by the bar patrons we sounded o.k. Were we outshining what they were about to do? Were we hogging the spotlight? The more time that passed, the more I realized that heck no we weren’t being rude or stealing the spotlight. They wouldn’t go up because their 4th guy hadn’t arrived. They encouraged us to get up in front of the mic’s…well, some of their band did anyway. Apparently the banjo player wasn’t happy about it, unbeknownst to us. Once he left, we fell all over ourselves apologizing to the other band members of that group. They were more than apologetic right back to us, letting us know that there was some strife amongst the band earlier in the day, and that there was no problem on our behalf.
Get a grip and think about your actions
You know, all that would have needed to be done was to speak up or take control of the gig. No need to storm out or get angry. We’re all big boys, and every other musician in the room that night acts and carries himself professionally. We like every one of those guys; for the banjo player to behave that way left a bad taste in our mouths. We felt bad about ourselves for about 3.5 minutes; that melted away into thinking how ridiculuos he was shortly thereafter.
Do you suffer much drama as a picker?
I’m curious: are you having to suffer fools very often in whatever area of the world you live in? Thankfully, after 27+ years of playing banjo very actively in many jam sessions and at many bluegrass festivals, I can still count on only one hand the number of negative experiences I’ve had. We pickers are a great group of people for the most part, and I’m thrilled to be able to speak this universal language known as acoustic music. It’s great to know that I have brothers and sisters out there no matter what area of the world I travel to. What a great “club” to belong to. Hopefully anyone who doesn’t “get it”…*ahem*…will learn to in time.
Banjo Paul
“Wunse, I coodn’t even spel bango pikker…now I are one!”
www.banjosrule.com (main site)
www.mybanjolife.com (blog)
Click here: Ultimate Metronome
I’m going to stand up for the other banjo player. Let’s look at things from his point of view.
First, his band has a gig to perform. It may not be a big paying gig, it may not pay anything at all, but it’s a gig. People, family and friends plus strangers who might’ve heard good things about the featured artists, have cared enough to make the effort to come out and hear your performance. There may even be some strangers who need to be “turned on” to the sound this group has to offer. Instead of being able to take the stage and play to their audience, they’re having to stand around and wait for one of their members to show up. It is extremely unprofessional of the missing member to make his bandmates, his friends, his fans and all the others, have to wait. It sends a bad message on behalf of the entire band, making them look bad to everyone concerned.
Second, this may not have been the first time it’s happened. It could be that this “no show man” cares very little for anyone other than himself. Of course, I’m willing to give the guy the benefit of a doubt. Accidents do happen and I hope the guy didn’t have one. People do forget things, some folks more so than others. But, the way the banjo player walked out seems to signal that it wasn’t the first time it ever happened. It wasn’t the first time they’ve had trouble with the guy. I’ve been there. I’ve been one of the guys waiting for some arrogant, self-centered, “legend in his own mind” to do us the great honor of gracing us with his presence so the show can go on. It’s never a good thing.
Third, as a matter of sheer professionalism, a “performing band” must function as a whole unit…all for one and one for all. You work hard to put together a total sound…the very best you can accomplish…and that package hinges on every member of the band being present.
Of course, any band needs to prepare itself for the possibility of having to perform without a full compliment, even if that means picking up a substitute member and dropping some of your more intricate material in favor of “moldy oldies”, just to get through the show.
In some instances, this may not be an option. Let’s face it, some band members are more necessary than others. If that’s the case, it’s better to cancel the show than to go onstage and have a train wreck. Nobody wants the reputation of being a “no show”, but that may be the lesser of two evils. You may be able to recover from a “no show” at your next gig and the folks who missed out on seeing you at the last show can still be “won over” once they hear what a great sound you have, but if you put out a bad show those folks won’t bother to come to see you, next time. Plus, the man paying you might not hire you back. That bad show really may have been your last show. The other banjo player may have had enough sense to know that.
So, you see, a lot hinges on the decisions made in such a situation. The other banjo player may have done the right thing by walking out. I don’t believe it was because he was intimidated by a better artist, or by a group of better artists. He may have made the decision out of nothing more than frustration that had been building within his own group over a period of time.
Jamming with other artists is a good thing. It’s fun and it’s a learning experience. Most people enjoy it and join in whole heartedly. When all you guys decided to salvage the evening by jamming together that decision was really the only option left.
Maybe that decision should’ve been made earlier. Maybe the other banjo player might have joined in if it had. Maybe nobody really had enough experience in dealing with such a situation to make that desicion. Maybe the best thing about the experience was the “gaining of experience”. I hope someone remembers it and learns something from it and is able to pull the evening together a little faster, next time.
Of course, I really hope there isn’t a next time. I’ve been there. When you reach a certain level of “performance ability”, you realize people expect certain things from you. If you’re any kind of person at all, you want to meet those expectations. You become “professional”, both in your actions and in your intentions and expectations of yourself. Failure isn’t an option.
What would I have done? Well, after waiting around so long that another group of musicians got so bored with the proceedings, or lack there of, that they took the stage…if I had been able, I’d have walked out and turned over the show to someone more willing and capable of performing than my band mates seemed to be. It seems to be the honorable thing to do for an audience.
-Jesse
Aw gee Paul. I’m just a grown up I guess! Could say the same for you re being around here. Let me know anytime you visit Inverness, I’ll buy you a pint (milk if you don’t drink alcohol!)
Most people have off days ..some of the time.
Some people fail to communicate their views and feelings…most of the time.
If only most people were honest and open most of the time…at least some people would be aware of what’s going on.
Failure to communicate! What’s wrong with saying ‘ hey, I feel a wee bit hacked off’ or ‘I’m having a lousy day’ or whatever it is that mentioning would sort the issue out?
I’ll bet the guy who walked out feels a bit of a NUMPTY but his pride and shame will not let him admit to it.
There again…some ego’s are just too huge for other mortals to deal with and it’s probably better they leave and take their behaviour with them.
Sounds like a great night despite the behaviour of a grown 2yr old.
Elizabeth
Wow Elizabeth, you have a great attitude! How come you aren’t around here so we can pick with more people like you?
Hey Paul,
The only time I had such a moment like that it also left me rather confused and wondering what happened. I kind of was no longer invited to practice with my band at the time! I never really figured out exactly why, but I figure it was either because I had missed a practice (only one, mind you), or else it was because I tend to like playing more progressive stuff (in addition to tradional stuff) which someone must not have liked. Guess I’ll never really know…
Wow Phill, your story is even more surprising than mine! That’s really something.
“You know what? Bull&*^%…”
Such language for a banjo player,… you should have your mouthed washed out with Fast Fret ……..:-)
“Pontificating”… oh,… using them dollar fifty words …
Maybe he was just having a really really bad day,… and sometimes rather than blow up,.. it’s easier to leave. Give him some time, you might find out he feels bad about the whole situation too. But,… in reading your blog, I share your feelings. You did nothing wrong as you were encouraged to play…and they were waiting for their “4th”. Not sure of the rules and regs of jamming yet, but any reason they couldn’t have jumped up and played with you guys?
Hey Steve, actually their mandolin player played with me and Foose first, then when the three of us were done they encouraged me and Eric and Foose to do our thing, kind of like an opening act, while they waited on their 4th guy. Once the banjo player stormed out, we actually did all pick together, so it turned out fun in spite of him